Meanwhile I am on the front line solving the riddle that is the five year project about the launch of the Twin Otter program by our friends at Viking Air. An extension of The Immortal Beaver this film has high expectations. The relaunch of the Twin Otter bushplane spans several years, cost millions of dollars (billions?) and the niche audience we are producing this for are beyond passionate; exemplified beautifully by their response to our last film.
The footage transports me to that time in my life and the emotional journey of the edit has been a thrilling one to conquer and overcome. Somehow, after days and days committed to the footage, it has assembled into a cohesive story. A story that I can feel in my loins in the way we all desire from the things we create. This is the stage where you can see the potential of the polish.
I send it off into the silence for input. I wait. The calendar clicks past. The screening approaches. The polishing beckons me. No feedback.
A younger me would be falling apart right now. My thoughts let loose on all of the possibilities of why I am alone on this one. I would be angry. I am angry. But it isn't paralyzing me. Instead the possibility of carrying it alone is a challenge I can encourage myself to accept.
I can accept it because we are all alone anyways. The input we are blessed with in this creative process is precious, but at the end of the day we are alone in all of our collaborations. Our team members are also alone. It is only our own tactics and approach that we truly have control over.
I've accepted that working until 6am is my process, not my penalty. The years that this ages me will be worn on my face as the accomplishment of wrinkles take form. Whether I had help or not those wrinkles will be mine, and they will be there because I care enough about it. I will wear them with pride, instead of caring less.
I think back to completion of other projects and remember the support I had. I crumbled under the pressure at that time, and conducted myself unimpressively. Those became great films, in my own mind at least. Was it despite the emotional collapse or because of it? Was it because of the commitment I enjoyed from my partner? Was it because all that was required for brainstorming was provided over dinner? This project will be revealing in a way I didn't expect. It's showing me my way forward from paralysis amidst the consequences of my past decisions.
What I continue to be able to return to is outlook. Keep it positive, kind and compassionate. The rest will sort itself out.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
I'm pressing a travel series out the door. More on that later...
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