SABLE 1999-2014
She was born the year I finished high school
as my guardian angel, although it would take me many years to
understand that was what she was. I met her when we were at the same
stage in our lives- wild teens.
I was usually angry at her. We had no
communication and no relationship. Neither of us knew that was what
we needed. We were wild teens and authority was not something we
valued. She would escape, run wild, and cause trouble. So did I.
She stepped out into the world at the end of her leash, pulling as
hard as possible to get to the next thing, even though she didn't
know what that was. There was never enough and she never tired,
regardless of any thresholds that presented themselves. When she was unhappy, she destroyed things. Just like
me.
It was a dangerous lifestyle, and I had
enough sense to know that I needed to regroup. I also somehow knew
that she was my problem, and I believed that no one else could be
asked to take that on. She couldn't listen, and I began to see that
what she needed was even more from me. She needed my devotion. I
made a pledge to her then that her life would be my guiding light,
and I would make it my mission to ensure her life was as full as it
could be. We started to communicate. She could hear my voice now.
It was many years of our youth that
were spent surviving on the edge before we found a place for
ourselves to stay put. A man who showed me how to love her, and his own dog who
welcomed her with never ending kisses. The wildness in us was tamed,
and we both earned each others trust. I didn't have to worry about her
craziness anymore. She was living in the kind of bliss that I
promised her, and rewarded me by being the most loving, loyal,
beautiful creature that I've ever known. If this was still a mirror
of my life, it's hard to imagine being worthy of that kind of
brilliance.
Together we traveled to the Rockies
several times. Bella Coola. Desolation Sound. Barkley Sound by
boat and often to Tofino by car. All through the Gulf Islands on
dozens of sailing trips. The Oregon beaches. Ensenada Mexico.
Twice to San Diego and LA. Joshua Tree, the Grand Canyon, Vegas.
She faced every day with love in her
eyes for every aspect of everything. Taking nothing for granted, she
took it all in with passionate breath. Chased every stick and ball
with 100% of the thrill that it gave her.
I watched in awe as our youth turns to
age and it fueled her. With every recovery from near death, she
seemed to become more hungry for life yet now finding it in the
smallest things. Smells became so intricate that they deserved more
attention. Not only did she spend most of her life not pulling at the end of
her leash, but a leash was rarely required. She wasn't in a rush to
get to the next thing, she was content to be with me.
Most miraculous of all was that every
set back was simply ignored. Her back legs stopped working but she
just carried onward at 100% and left them to sort themselves out.
They eventually did. It took several seizures over several years before
they would refuse to carry her, but she never stopped trying right up
until the end.
I was blessed with many years of being
aware that I would not always get to look into her loving eyes. I
took as many opportunities as were possible to recognize that while I
still was able to make sure she could feel my adoration for her. I
made making her face light up with glee a priority and I have
thousands of memories of the results from that effort.
It feels silly to feel sad about the
end of a life that was so well lived. Every moment was glorious to
her. She loved in a massive way, and touched everyone that she
passed on the street with the outlook that she carried. It warmed
people to see how much fun she was having, and she stopped letting
anyone else ever change that.
We were in sync in our emotional
evolution until she surpassed me. The effect of her presence in my
life can only be called magic. That love so pure and intense that it
can only be called God.
